Part of the problem we face in trying to get to the nitty-gritty of pathological love relationships is that 'how we do it' or 'what we call it' is judged so severely, that it impairs sharing the valuable outcomes that are learned. There are groups of professions, women's organizations, and service agencies that tiptoe around what we 'call' patterns of selection in relationships. There are unspoken rules and heavily weighted opinions about 'what' we can discuss and 'how' we discuss the outcomes.